Motherhood In 2018, Can You Really Make a Success Of It?
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The Definition Of Motherhood
Well apparently so, let me be frank I don’t like to think of myself as ‘just’ a Mother because it sounds too much like a job description, and after years of sitting behind the same desk I’ve finally realised, the job role has expanded and I’m not earning any extra money, No extra benefits, No promotion…… Nada. Here is the alternative, I’d rather be known as a ‘Caregiver’ I take care of them, I feed them, cloth them and most importantly I keep them alive!
It’s a bit like a Goldfish, water, food and a clean tank, that’s all they need. In return, I keep my sanity and they get what they need; now they might not always get what they want, but they have what they need. (I stole that line from The Princess and the Frog.)
Now here’s where the mother job description gets a little tricky, it’s when ‘Society’ decided that the goldfish method off parenting wasn’t ‘Enough’ and ‘More’ needed to be done.
Well; Firstly, I say who is this society because when I find you and I will, you’ll be wishing you were a damn goldfish (Ps. I accidentally killed my last one – I overfed it, who knew?).
Secondly, and I quote “If it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it!”
‘Society’ has made us think that we’re doing too little, that the generation before did it all wrong and that parenting success is strictly down to one component and one only It or they (society) know best.
Here is where it gets even more complicated, the gender type that determines your specific job description and if you don’t complete all tasks in an appropriate time-frame, you (the parent) are solely responsible for the demise off civilization as we know it.
I’m now going to break it down for you and I want your feedback this is not an exhaustive list so feel free to add your own in the comments.
As always I will base this list on my household duties so here goes:
1. Women’s Empowerment
Now this is a big one, ever since the release of the movie ‘The Help’ with Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis, we somehow feel it necessary to repeat the affirmations; ‘You Is Kind, You Is Smart & You Is Important’ not to mention the narrative off, you can do whatever you want and be whatever you want and have whatever you want as long as you work hard for it and plan. Motivationally speaking it’s a winner, who the heck doesn’t want to hear 24/7 how Brilliant, Special, Gifted and Intelligent they are?
The problem is, I feel compelled to tell you this even when you’ve done nothing to deserve it.
For example; a four-year-old paints a frog, that in actuality looks like a pigeon took a dump on my windscreen, I receive it with open arms as any mother would. Back in the day, it was noticed, possibly acknowledged and you’d keep it moving. Now, I have to celebrate it, gush over it and express meaningful banter, regarding the likelihood of seeing it in the Tate Gallery someday.
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1b. I have to tell you all this, even when I’m not sure if I believe it all myself.
Let me be very clear, I do believe that all things are possible with the renewing of our minds, heck I teach vision board creation for goodness sake, but I’m also realistic enough to know that asking for things that you weren’t gifted with (instead of developing what you are), is a year long adult counselling session in the making!
Come on, you’ve seen X Factor or some equivalent what’s the best part of the show? It’s the auditions, Why? Because watching delusional people make total asses off themselves brings joy to our seemingly ordinary existence.
But, who’s to blame; You, Me or Simon Cowell?
It’s the Mum, Dad, Granny and Friends, who have told him or her that they sound exactly like Whitney, Mariah or Beyonce and support them all the way to the live auditions, then watch them screeech their way through ‘I Will Always Love You’ only to be booed off stage. The family’s response, shock horror and anger.
I will not empower you to do dumb s*it (but I’m a bad mother if I don’t), you better give me the T-shirt!
Very important, as without one your odds of making any money are slim and your ability to navigate through life successfully, will be close to non-existent.
My issue is not with education itself, my issue is with my return to school after having left 20 years ago!
They go to school for 6 hours each day and come home with a list; however, the list is not there’s, it’s for me:
I must read
Go on a Nature Walk
Annotate a Movie
Build a Fire Engine
Create a Volcano and the Mississippi River
Do a Science Project and then write an Essay about it
Create an App
Research an Historic Figure
Visit a Museum, then discuss my findings
Learn an Acoustic Poem (Is that even how you spell it?)
And Maths, please don’t even get me started on maths! I don’t know what my child is asking me to do, what ever happened to just add, subtract, divide, percentage and fractions? WTH is pythagarus…..yes i know that’s not how you spell it, my point exactly.
Just add Learn Greek to my list.
Motherhood & School.....
3. Reward Charts
Thanks to the school, gone are the days of self fulfillment, from just doing what they were bloody told to do.
Now we have sticker charts.
They come home with a sticker beaming with pride e.g. Ps, This is an actual real life conversation:
Daughter: “Look mummy, I got a gold sticker today”
Me: “That’s great, well done what’s it for?”
Daughter: “I held the door open for everybody”
Me: Oh! That’s so nice of you to help out.”
However; behind the smile, my mind reads like a riot sheet and I’m thinking “F that, I didn’t send you to school to be no damn Benson!”
And so it begins.
Now, I have to mimmick the actions of super damn nanny and the school, with a sticker for listening, making eye contact, flushing the toilet, making the bed, saying please and thank you, wiping their butt, smiling, laughing, holding a pen and every other damn thing they do all god forsaken day. Thank You!
As a parent you are now expected to play at all times.
Because besides bonding with your child it apparently develops their emotional intelligence and is a form of cognitive behavioural therapy.
In other words, you clearly have nothing better to do (please refer to points 1,2 and 3 before agreeing to that statement).
Whilst this task can be fun at times, even somewhat nostalgic; the reminder of play over responsibility, the feeling of creating and having fun with the family over a monopoly board.
This feeling quickly dissipates, when you realise it is required every damn day, week and month of the year until your child no longer sees you as a playmate, so approximately 14 years.
Not so long in parenting terms and goes by very quickly as many will say. ‘I mean it’s just a game what’s the big deal?’
The big deal is, it’s never just a game!
I’m expected to swing, I can’t just push the swing I have to get on it, I have to scoot, yep you heard me; I have to get on the scooter, hope it doesn’t break and scoot, need a mental image – think of a gorilla in a trapeze act.
I have to build Lego, create a forte and then play under it, draw and paint, put puzzles together whilst being told I’m too slow and what piece of the puzzle goes where….. “Well dear, if you know where it goes, why the heck am I doing it!?
Ps. Before you say it – ‘Make believe is fun’ I didn’t really like dolls and fake tea parties were not my thing either, so Yes it’s somewhat foreign to me, but I embarce it; the whole time wishing there was wine inside those little plastic cups.
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Motherhood. "I Think I'm Making A Success Of This....."
Instead I’ll just remind you that, in addition to the above, a mother is expected to wash, clean, iron, cook, bake, create a social calendar, organise birthdays, vacations, activities, shopping, hair grooming, communication, the school run, school involvement, attend plays and discipline, because how dare you not discipline your little protege and then have the nerve, to send them out in public to terrorise other children and animals.
Baring in mind, those other little treasures cannot wait to be let loose and rebel against their day, with a face full of stickers.
But I'm sure that's unrelated, Aren't You.....?
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I am the creator and author of this blog, I’ve been writing extensively on life coaching, personal development, the law of attraction and mind and body health for the past ten years. I am also the author of my first published short novel From Little Acorns Grow a Forest, where you can learn more about my journey into coaching and hopefully learn a little about you too. This blog aims to provide women, especially mum’s (i’m a mum of two) like me with the tools to increase their health and well being, whilst staying grounded and motivated to start and maintain their own online businesses. I am passionate about all of the above, because I believe it takes more than an idea to make a success of anything.